Clumsy Best Man at a wedding

- Brad

A Twilight Critique

My friend Joel sent me an e-mail with this sarcastic critique of Twilight - the latest craze amongst many young people. (Both movie and books)

Joel, like me just isn't into teen vampires. Nothing against you Twilight fans - it's just not our 'thang'.

So, I post his provocative summary of Twilight:

(Caution: Spoiler Alerts)

- Brad

For those of you who knew the movie Twilight wouldn't be worth the $9.50 to see it in the theater, don't waste two hours of your life watching the DVD! Here is the summary (my version of course), so you don't need to bother with it!

Vampire guy - "Oh, I'm soooo in love with you that I want to suck all your blood out and kill you. Let's go stare at each other."

Girl - "Wow, It's not at all creepy that you watch me while I'm sleeping. Let's go stare at each other."

Vampire guy - "It's not private enough in the deep center of the forest of the Pacific Northwest. I want to take you up higher into the trees so we can stare at each other."

Girl - "Oh your skin is all sparkly like a mermaid which is not at all girly. Lets go stare at each other."

Vampire guy - "A horrible vampire inexplicably more evil than I (somehow I'm not evil) wants to suck all your blood out and kill you! Don't worry, I will get my dad to kill him. Let's go stare at each other."

Girl - "I'm laying in the hospital dying cuz you almost sucked out all my blood. Lets stare at each other."

Vampire guy - "Let's go to prom so we can not dance and stare at each other."

Girl - "I will hurt and lie to my whole family so that we can go stare at each other. Please make me a blood sucking vampire just like you."

Vampire guy - "We will save that for part 2. Lets just stare at each other now."

This was all of the dialogue from Twilight. The rest of the movie was spent staring at the two lovers staring at each other.

- Joel P in Florida.

Butt Paste

A couple years ago Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina, was describing life after his daughter was born. In one post he described his discovery of Butt Paste, a diaper rash ointment. I was looking at a tube of Butt Paste that I had been given for Rylee, and thought I would track down the post Perry wrote describing the best uses for Butt Paste in Churches.

Here are some of my favorites:

• For the guy that always complains that the music is too loud…hand him a tube of buttPaste–he will calm down and begin to enjoy the sound.


• For the person who gets mad because you did not shake their hand–just give them a tube of buttpaste. That way they know you care.


• For the person who claims that you must teach reformed doctrine–explain to them as you are giving them their buttpaste that they were predestined to receive it; after all, not all people can receive buttpaste.


• For the free will person–explain to them the reason they have never received buttpaste is simply because they never have asked for it. BUT…warn them that, if they are not careful they could lose their buttpaste!


• For the person who wants you to preach from the KJV–harken them to goeth forth to receiveth the buttpaste in a manner that will calmeth them down.

For the complete list see his post HERE.

I thought of some uses myself...

• For the person who has so little to do that they have time to be "concerned" about everything others are doing - some Butt Paste could help relax their pain in the butt issues.


• For the people who are upset they didn't have input on which brand of plastic dinnerware used at the church picnic - some Butt Paste will soothe the pain.

Any creative uses for Butt Paste out there?

Oh, by the way - the nursery :-)

- Brad

NCAA Bracketology Results

The Raby's Rabbis entry at the top, the one in the 96.5 percentile of America belongs to some guy named ME!

It was a good, not great March Madness. I enjoyed out picking my friends, and now bragging about it here.

:-) Brad

I Don't Drink Beer by Tim Hawkins

Todd Rhodes over at MMI posted this for Funny Friday. All you Baptists out there should enjoy this. It is awesome!



- Brad

A little Rap for your Amusement

A new spin on Tithing:

- Brad

Stay out of the Dog House...Must watch for men

- Brad

I love the old stuff

- Brad

"It's a hybrid bathroom"

Enjoy Funny Friday!

- Brad

Readers, get some exercise

HT: MMI

Good work from a Celeb, and Barney the first Puppy

1,000 lbs. of Candy, 1,200 hotdogs, and the Burger King

Last night at Trunk or Treat the fine people at South Harriman Baptist Church gave out 1,000 lbs of candy, and over 1,200 hotdogs to the more than 1,500 people who came through the church parking lot. There were a host of fine characters represented. Here are a few of them:

Ok, the GEICO guys weren't actually at Trunk or Treat, but they are part of our Student Ministry and were decked out for the Kingston vs Austin East Football game.

This will help calm your November Presidential anxieties:

007 is back in November! James Bond will make everything right.

Better learn to keep your mouth shut

Sarah Palin Exposed!

Does your Husband love you this much???

glumbert - A Warthog Emergency

On the lighter side

Ok, after a few responses from some of my recent posts I thought I would lighten up the intensity with a series of just for fun posts. So ladies, here is some advice for your man:

glumbert - What You Don't Say To Your Wife

DayQuest Video

DayQuest rocked, and the video below is proof!

Defining Irony

Webster's:
iro·ny
Pronunciation: ˈī-rə-nē
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eirōnia, from eirōn dissembler

1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning —called also Socratic irony 2 a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b: a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c: an ironic expression or utterance

The other definition: The New Baptist Hymnal

This month LifeWay Resources published the newest edition of the Southern Baptist Hymnal. It contains some 670+ songs, 300 hymns from the 1991 edition - plus 300 songs not published by the SBC before.
100 of the songs have never been published in any Hymnal.

So, what's the big deal? There is no big deal, but think about the logic: How many churches that are singing songs written by Chris Tomlin (How Great is our God, Forever) and Darlene Zschech (Shout to the Lord, Potter's Hand) are using a hymnal? If you are singing and worshipping new songs - and you should be as it is a Biblical mandate, you are likely projecting them onto a screen. Your church probably doesn't even use a hymnal. I haven't used a hymnal in years until just recently. (and I still forget to reach for it because I expect it to be on the screen like the choruses are when we sing them)

I know there are thousands of churches out there that do not have screen projection systems. However, the highest majority of them probably won't be singing the new songs anyway.
I flipped through the new hymnal today and was pleased that the song era was more balanced. I flipped through the old hymnal (1991) last Sunday and was amused at how much the 1991 editors must have loved the time period of 1815-1875. It seems that 75% of the songs were in that era, 20% earlier than that era, and 5% after 1875.

Prediction: The sales of the new Hymnal will be significantly smaller than the 1991 edition. That prediction is based on this years sales of Typewriters, VCRs, 8 Track players, and the number of new Drive-in Theaters that were built in 2007.

- Brad

Who's reading

I use Google Analytics to track statistics for my blog. I found it interesting that people from these cities have been been on the site in the last 24 hours:

Clinton, Chattanooga, Knoxville, and Cleveland, Tennessee
Newport News, Virgina
West Hollywood, Los Angeles, California
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Almonte Springs, Safety Harbor and Elfers, Florida
St. Ann, Missouri

Is Tom Cruise reading my blog?

- Brad